Think about this… whether you like it or not, you are “forced” to trust your ex with your child. If you coparent a child, your child goes back and forth between you and your ex from day to day or week to week. Your child is (likely) the most precious element in your life. However, do you TRUST your ex? The person you had a child with?
Would you give your ex a spare key to your home?
My twins’ other coparent has our key and we (my spouse and I) have hers. We’ve never used hers. She uses ours dauly. The message this sends our 4-year-olds is that home is home whether it is Mama’s house or Mommy’s house. It’s just their family’s house. This solution isn’t right for every family. (Honestly, it’s not right for MOST families.) It’s not right for every set of exes even within the same family.
However, letting your child know that their other parent is invited into your home, letting them know that you feel safe around their other parent, letting them know you trust them… THAT sends a really powerful message. It lets them know that you are ok with their relationship with the other parent, that they don’t have to play favorites, and that it’s ok for them to trust the other parent too.
Absent concerns of violence, of course, think about whether you are able to put your anger or hurt aside and show your trust, whether by way of spare key, an offer of a shared ride somewhere, anything that will show your child that things are okay.
What’s important is the underlying message. You can find your way to relay that message.
At Argentino Family Law & Child Advocacy, LLC, we don’t just litigate or collaborate in an attorney capacity, we also serve as mediators and parent coordinators to help mend or bridge the gap in the working relationship between coparents. Contact our office today to see how we can help your family.