Summer Time is Their Time

My kids have amazing summers!

They get to spend 9 glorious weeks at the summer sleepaway camp that I grew up at.  A place that has always been my second home and my safe place to land.  I started going right after my own parent’s divorce and continued well into adulthood as staff.  When I could no longer take summers off I still made sure to visit and attend alumni functions every chance I got.  My camp family was always in touch.

Shortly after my own divorce I returned for an entirely different kind of summer, with my twin 3 year olds in tow.

I was able to give my babies a safe place to land as well.  And we thrived!

And we continue to thrive.  Summers away give kids a chance to explore and challenge themselves in the best way possible.  We unplug from the world, we unplug from our devices, we unplug from so many of our daily stresses.

It also turns our parenting schedule entirely upside down.  My ex only sees them one day a week for the whole summer.  I get to be with them every night but on my only day off each week, I am bringing them back home to visit her.  We all give up something.  And it’s not without difficulty, but it brings so much reward.

This summer our babies grew in leaps and bounds.  They went on hikes, they learned to swim almost entirely without their puddlejumpers.  They navigated new friendships and being reunited with old friends.  They learned to handle crowded dining rooms and social scenes they don’t get to encounter at home.  They went to a water park and the movies, learned songs and dances.  They spent the summer being kids and came home ready for kindergarten.

They have no idea what this means for them yet, what seeds we planted.  But one day they will be so glad we didn’t spend the summer fighting over who gets to have the kids when and instead gave the summer to them.  It’s not my time or my exes time.  It’s their time.  And they loved it!

Plan A Parenting Schedule That Works For Your Family

Recently we found this great article on parenting schedules for people that are co-parenting but not living together. It covers a many different considerations and offers advice on how to create a schedule that can work for the whole family.

Disclaimer: This is not legal advice from our team, but a great piece written by Ryan Howard from

Montclair ‘Power Couple’ Safeguarding LGBTQ Rights In New Jersey

Check out our Patch article!

Los días partidos son una cosa

Me presenté a la cita de juego con un niño. Mi amigo se sorprendió. ¿Dónde estaba mi otro hijo? Supongo que el concepto de tener un día dividido no es algo con lo que la gente esté demasiado familiarizada. Muchos padres sacan a un niño para una actividad especial. Muchos niños salen con sus amigos o familiares sin necesariamente llevarse a sus hermanos. Pero una vez que comienzas a dividir sus horarios en tiempo de crianza, la gente tiende a tener mucha más hambre para ese momento.
Al principio del proceso de divorcio, me preocupaba perder tiempo con mis hijos. Me preocupé por perder grandes recuerdos y todos sus pequeños hitos. Me preocupé por todo eso. Sin embargo, a medida que los niños crecían, noté que había muchas cosas que todos estábamos perdiendo. Un poco de uno en uno comenzó a convertirse en algo que esperar.
Nuestros hijos son su propia gente. Tienen sus propios pasatiempos, intereses, todo ello. Y tienen una capacidad asombrosa para interrumpirse mutuamente y un fuerte deseo de dirigir las conversaciones y jugar en su propia dirección. Se hizo evidente que necesitaban uno a la vez.
Nació el día partido. Fue un éxito tan iracundo desde el primer momento que supimos que teníamos que incluirlo en nuestro programa de crianza. También fue mucho más claro que esto no se refería a mis días ni a mis días anteriores. Todo esto es sobre los días de los niños.
Las fiestas de cumpleaños son mucho más fáciles de navegar sin un hermano extra. Sorprender a un niño de 4 años en una caminata de 4 horas es sorprendentemente factible cuando se trata de un niño de 4 años en lugar de 2. Un viaje al museo se convirtió en un evento de aprendizaje verdaderamente interactivo en lugar de un empujón hacia abajo en una espiral de agotamiento. Los niños se extrañaban y estaban felices de reunirse al final del día. Estaban ansiosos por compartir sus experiencias. Estaban encantados de haber tenido uno de nosotros para ellos mismos. Así que sí, los días partidos son una cosa. Y nos gustan.

Making Choices For Our Kids

We didn’t agree on a lot of things when we were married. We had a lot of feelings clouding our judgement. There was a lot of stress distracting us from prioritizing. After our divorce was finalized and everything was written in ink and signed off on, it all got easier.

It wasn’t quite overnight, but over time we grew closer and more capable of healthy communication when it comes to our kids. We had been on the same page before we got married and now we are back on the same page. We just needed to get rid of some of the other aspects of our relationship to become the parents we were meant to be.

So while some minor details aren’t always agreed on, we seem to always find a good place to land when it comes to the big issues. Like our children’s wellbeing, mental health, and meeting their individual needs.

Our daughter comes with a whole host of needs. Not all of which made sense to us at first. And not all of which came with any sort of “how to” guide. Allowing our child to transition was the simplest and hardest thing to come to terms with. We both knew who she was and who she needed to be allowed to be. We both were terrified of messing this up. We consulted wit ha specialist. We met with other families, some in real life, some virtually. We took it slowly and followed her lead.

Most recently, we signed documents and mailed out a check. We finally gave our girl what she needed in order to be able to live her life. A child shouldn’t have to come with an explanation or a “heads up” before starting a new class. A child shouldn’t always have to enter a new arena by waiting on the outskirts while their parents explained to the adults in charge what to expect. And now, she won’t have to.